My Shoulder Tap Reminder

We are always and often told - Life your life to the fullest because you never know when it is your time is up. We may know someone given a diagnosis and a prognosis of a certain timeframe to live before they are expected to pass. We get these "shoulder taps" reminding us over and over again tomorrow is not promised and you better do what you love today. You just never know how your day is going to actually end. 

I was getting ready to go see the Avenger's with my family. My fiancé bought us tickets opening night for us to go. I had to move a client schedule around so we could go. We were set to go. I decided I wanted to put on makeup before we left. I was in the bathroom and our bathroom has a walk in stone and cement shower with a stone and cement seat made into the shower. I was full dressed and had not taken a shower but I was standing next to the shower when my feet got caught in a toilet paper roll holder. Both of my feet became trapped and I felt myself moving backwards into the shower. I was trying to grab anything and everything on my way down to stop my fall but I just kept slipping. I even gave my palm of my hand a 3-4 inch cut that went through multiple layers. Somehow I still managed to hit the back of my head on the edge of that seat. 

As I went down I closed my eyes and prepared for this hit to come. As I hit the hard solid edge I knew it was going to be a problem. I felt everything in my head rattle. My thoughts immediately said "Oh no I am going to die and I didn't get to do  what I wanted to do". I had an instant splitting headache. I thought for sure my head was split in half. The pain came into my eyes and I realized I am not dead but I need help.  I yelled for my fiancé. I am bent over on my knees. I am not sure what hurts more the pain or the fear of what happens when I move my hands. I am sure my hands are keeping my brains in. lol. I ask him how bad is it. He cannot see anything so I prepare him that I am about to move my hand. As I do this thick purple red glob of blood hits the floor. I honestly wasn't sure if it was just blood or something more with my blood. I knew we had to go to the ER. CT scan and 5 staples in my scalp later I go home and when I lie my head down on my pillow, it feels like I am falling and hitting my head over and over.

That thought of "Oh no, I am going to die and I didn't get to do what I wanted to do", hasn't left me.  I cannot let that thought ever be my thought again. Often when people die  they always regret things they did not do, not things they did. I have to believe in myself and my gifts. I know I am capable of so much, to so many. I have all these ideas swimming in my head of how to help others and make others feel fulfilled in their lives, but I cannot even make myself feel this way. 

 I  making the needed changes  so that I can make my move. There may be people and places that cannot be part of this journey any longer. If you hold me back and stifle growth then you and I must part ways. I mean no ill will to anyone, but this has really changed me and woke me up. This was way more than a shoulder tap. This was a slap in the face, cold water poured on me and a shot of pure adrenaline to the heart telling me, that I have to get my shit together and do what I need to do to help those who feel called to come to me. For too long I allowed others to dictate how I can help others and in what fashion and I just cannot do that anymore. I know my worth and I am going to go out there and get it helping people the way I want to help others and it won't be through corporate America. It will be on my terms and no one else's. 

So when  I do die, my thoughts will never be about what I didn't do but that it is okay to go because of all of what I did do.